I recently was asked this question by a composer and thought it might be helpful to share what I’ve learned about balance, and then open it up to this forum to get advice from other professionals here as well! (My reply is of course coming from a male composer’s perspective, but some parts might apply to female composers as well. And please feel free to share your perspective below in the comments!)
The question: “I love my family and my career but I’m always so anxious to work and move forward with my career. When I’m with my family I find myself thinking about work a lot. My wife can tell I’m not fully present and she’s not too happy about it. I want to succeed more than anything and every minute I don’t spend working feels like a waste of time. I’m trying to work on a healthy balance between the two… What is it like working and balancing everything at your level of success? I can imagine it’s incredibly hard dealing with crazy deadlines and such..”
My answer: I haven’t really thought of it as incredibly hard.. Mostly it’s exciting and sometimes challenging, but in a good way, because rising to the challenge is exciting and gratifying and that’s where the magic is (that and creating something that elevates the project). Life happens in the journey, definitely not the ‘destination’. ’Success’ is in all of those exciting moments when you don’t even know if you can come up with the theme, or finish all of that music for the episode.. The joy is in finding out you can, and that somehow this amazing music came out of you. Whatever your definition of success is, try to enjoy the journey as you work towards that.
In regard to being present with your partner, the most common issue for composers is probably that we’re in our heads thinking about the next cue, the next delivery and we need to let our partners know what’s going on up there. Being present doesn’t mean you have to be next to your partner 24/7, it means you are transparent with them, and can really empathize with them. I recommend giving more than you promise in general, with your work, with your partner and family. If you need two more hours for that delivery, that’s life, but don’t say you’ll be 2 hours, and then take 3 or 4 or 8. Keep your word. Really show up, for your work and for your family. Composers just have to put in the hours, it’s just the way it is. (But so do most jobs!) Want to be present for your family? Here are some specific ideas: Come up with new ideas for dinner, new plans for the weekends, even if it’s just the first ideas.. Lead. It will make a world of difference to them. Surprise your partner with something fun for the both of you. Plan your vacations in advance. Basically, us male composers want to avoid answering “I don’t know, ..whatever you want” (as we simultaneously sing a melody idea into our phones..) when she asks us, “what would you like to have for dinner tonight?” or, “What would you like to do this weekend?”. ..Always have a plan (!), and then be open to ideas from there. If she wants to do something else, you can agree that next time you’ll do what you wanted to do.. or whatever works for you. Always try to have a plan. Do your love life and your work with equal passion. And don’t forget to take care of yourself in the process.. Work out a few times a week (lift weights dude!), hang with your friends. Eat well, get sleep. Stay disciplined and focused. Stay true to your word. Do more than you promise. These are the things that will keep things running smoothly while you climb and strive towards your goals. Balance isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being pro-active.
If anyone has anything additional thoughts on balance to offer.. please comment below!
Wishing you all a 2018 rich in purpose, adventure, and lots of love.
